Read how Jill* now uses her experience of abortion and healing to help others facing an unintended pregnancy…
I was 21, married with a little daughter aged 2. My marriage was not a safe place but one of violence and abuse. I took a job working away on my own in Hong Kong and Taipei and had just arrived there when I found out I was pregnant. I had fallen pregnant the few days before I left, and it wasn’t joyful news. I felt a mixture of fear and selfishness. I didn’t want to go home as I had only been away for a few weeks, and I knew the news would be viewed with suspicion from my husband, although there was no reason for this.
I found out very easily that for 200 dollars I could have an abortion in my lunch break. My husband and daughter came over for a holiday and we agreed to go ahead with the termination of the pregnancy. By this time, I was about 12 weeks pregnant and after the procedure, I was told the baby was a boy. This had a big impact on me. I went home shortly afterward and felt a darkness had come over my life.
Alcohol was a big part of my life and became my coping mechanism. I became pregnant again very soon afterwards and had another beautiful daughter. By the age of 30 I was feeling suicidal between repressed emotions and the violence and abuse in the marriage. I eventually left with my 2 daughters and my son who was a baby, got my life together, stopped drinking and found a new life by finding faith in Jesus Christ.
The loss and pain and shame never left me until one night in a church service there was prayer for various healing. I had a picture of Jesus holding my baby and assuring me that he was safe in his arms and that I should give my baby a name. I named him Ryan. I also read a little book after this called ‘I will hold you in heaven’. I am always emotional when I think about this time in my life but God has healed my heart. I now spend part of my life trying to help others who are faced with crisis pregnancies.
* Name changed